


hateful blue

by lovebalance



Series: cruel girls summer [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovebalance/pseuds/lovebalance
Summary: Jinsol thinks Sooyoung’s love for her hurts.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: cruel girls summer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642993
Comments: 12
Kudos: 71





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> story warnings: mentions of eating disorders, mentions of bullying, mentioned character death, toxic relationships, violence, and jealously against each other, a young girl’s anger. 
> 
> oh yeah, here we go, more crime.

Ha Sooyoung is all long legs and perfect cheeks, all perfect jumps, and long fingers. She is perfection, all anger and jealousy and passion rolled into one.

Jinsol watches from where she sits as the other girls spin, spins, spins, the expression on her face calm, and wonders what exactly Sooyoung has to hate. She watches until she gets dizzy, and that’s when Sooyoung stops, pointing one foot out, one in, before her expression fills with unrivaled bitterness and she turns, marching up to where Jinsol sits.

“What do you think,” Sooyoung questions, push. “Good enough?” Jinsol is never sure how she should answer these things, not with the way the fire in Sooyoung’s eyes burns. Jinsol swallows.

“You _know_ it was good enough,” Jinsol starts. “You fucking killed it.”

That’s enough to bring a tiny smile onto the Sooyoung’s face, the girl glancing down in embarrassment before looking back at Jinsol. “I guess I can let you go.”

That was code for _I’m not done here._

Jinsol shrugs, glancing at the clock. One in the morning. “I’ll stay, I have nothing else I’m doing.”

“Okay,” Sooyoung says after a moment’s pause. “Cool. Good.”

*

“Look at this,” Sooyoung moves the phone from Jinsol’s face and shoves her own phone into it. There’s an Instagram post of Jungeun on the screen, standing in front of some old museum, her feet posed in ballet third position, smile bright as she looks away from the camera. Her hair is shiny and jet black bangs on her forehead wispy and faint. Jinsol thinks she looks gorgeous like always, the picture not capturing the beauty Jungeun has in real life. But, Jinsol knows that’s not what Sooyoung wants to hear. 

So, she dumbly asks “What?”

Sooyoung pulls back her phone, tapping one clean perfect nail on the side of her screen, squinting her eyes. “Look at her,” Sooyoung clicks her tongue before sticking it to the side of her mouth. “She’s so fucking ugly, god,” she turns the phone back to her face and stares. “I don’t know how our teacher thinks she’s better than me, what the fuck.”

Jinsol reaches out and places a hand on the side of Sooyoung’s arm, rubbing up and down slowly trying to calm her down. Jinsol knows that Sooyoung’s anger is poison, is a red hot flame that only grows and grows. She remembers one time, a year ago, when Sooyoung was reaching her breaking point about the upcoming recital, Jinsol had been with her when they heard some girl in the stall, sobbing. Sooyoung usually teases, pretending to cry silently, which makes Jinsol laugh and point. But this time was different. Sooyoung hadn’t even untied her hair from the bun, taken off her fingerless gloves or stockings. Jinsol hadn’t expected it, when Sooyoung had kicked down the door and asked “You want to fucking cry, huh?” in a low whisper.

She had slapped the girl, the sound echoing loudly into the air before Jinsol and a few others had pulled her off. Jinsol remembers Sooyoung hissing “That bitch is **_so_ **fucking annoying.” 

“You’re such a cunt,” Jungeun had said in a tone that was the same as “How’s the weather,” as Jinsol walked Sooyoung out, Sooyoung seething from others touching her, wanting just Jinsol and only her. Jinsol’s pretty sure that’s when Sooyoung’s anger was directed towards the other girl. Her hate. 

That’s why Sooyoung is tearing into her now. “No, but she’s like so fucking hideous. It makes me so fucking sick when Jiwoo is flirting with her., she’s such a suck-up. Just because Jungeun wants her doesn’t mean we all have to see it.” Sooyoung treads fingers through Jinsol’s hair, and it feels nice against Jinsol’s scalp. “Agree with me.”

“You sound kind of homophobic though,” Jinsol says, blinking before glancing up at the other girl, who hums in response before directing her angry gaze towards Jinsol. 

“What, fuck off, you know I’m not like that. But come on, tell me it doesn’t piss you off with the obvious cunt-licking,” Sooyoung bounces her phone off Jinsol’s bed, the one with the blue and purple sheets, and shuts her eyes. “She makes me so fucking sick, everyone in that class makes me sick.”

When Sooyoung opens her eyes again, there’s a strange look in them, something Jinsol can’t even begin to understand. 

“But not you, Jinsol. Everyone makes me so fucking sick all the time, but you.”

*

**Sooyoung:**

_hey, did you make it home? i miss you._

It’s three in the morning, Jinsol sitting in her car after leaving Sooyoung’s house, when the girl texts her. It’s another picture of Heejin, a picture that Jinsol can’t tell where it’s from. She squints before Sooyoung sends a text after. 

**Sooyoung:**

_maybe this bitch should lose the weight, huh? lmfaoooooo_

Jinsol thinks Heejin looks good, looks better than she did before, and almost ignores Sooyoung’s message to focus on the sick feeling in her stomach. But she thinks of the “I miss you,” again, and can’t help how it makes it feel. (It makes her feel….)

**you:**

_lmao, you’re fucked up._

**Sooyoung:**

_i know, love you always baby._

*

“Jinsol, come help me stretch,” 

It makes Jinsol’s heart jump into her throat and freeze there, unmoving. Jungeun is tying her hair into a high ponytail, the look in her eyes playful but menacing. Sooyoung isn’t here yet, Jungeun never talks to Jinsol anymore, not since three years ago after the incident. But here she is now, black tights and black shirt, waving Jinsol over like they do this every day. And like a fool, Jinsol says yes. 

“I’ll help you first,” Jungeun says, stretching her arms above her head, up, up, her stomach flashes a bit. “You ever had a knee against your spine? Will straighten you out, real quick.”

“Sounds painful.” 

“Not if someone does it right,” Jinsol’s not sure how to feel when Jungeun says it like she’s whispering a secret that only Jinsol should know. Jinsol ties her own hair up into a loose bun, tugging the band tight, and Jungeun smiles at her like she knows something Jinsol doesn’t. 

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Jinsol tries not to focus on the way Jungeun’s fingers trail down her back, slowly, as she asks “Anyone ever given you a message, because it’s just like that.” Jungeun presses her left knee into Jinsol’s back, making Jinsol go all the way down to the floor, showing off the flexibility of them both. Jinsol shuts her eyes, trying to focus on the moment, of how her hands stretched out so much is starting to hurt, that Jungeun’s knee is pressing into her back just right, when

“What’s with this?”

Jinsol opens her eyes quickly when she hears Sooyoung’s voice, and Jungeun’s knee doesn’t let up, not letting Jinsol up. “Just helping Jinsol, you know?” Jungeun’s tone is all light and friendly, but Jinsol can feel the malice. “She’s never tried this before, so I wanted to show her. It really helps with routines.”

A moment of silence.

“What’s with the look?”

“My dog died, my car sucks, my arm hurts, I just want to fucking **_see_ **Jinsol and you’re here giving her a massage she doesn’t fucking want. Right?”

Jinsol stays silent because her throat feels tight, Jungeun’s knee presses down harder a bit. “Right, yeah. That sucks, I hope you feel better.”

When Jinsol gets up, Jungeun helps her, and it feels like her hands are everywhere at once, her stomach, her upper arms. “Let’s do this again, then you’ll do me.”

Jinsol knows but the way Sooyoung digs her fingers into her palm that that would never happen.

*

“That thing Jungeun did to you, three days ago,” Sooyoung brings up one day as they sit in traffic, tapping her fingers on the wheel of the car. “Did you like it? Did it,” she swallows. “Did it actually help?”

Jinsol blinks and decided she should be honest. “It did, just a bit.”

Sooyoung doesn’t say anything. She does reach over and run her fingers through Jinsol’s hair, slowly, her nails heavy against Jinsol’s scalp. It feels like she’s digging into it, trying to peel the skin away from the bone. It hurts, just a bit. 

Jinsol thinks Sooyoung’s love for her hurts. 


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more hateful blue! yay!

“Did you hear?”

Sooyoung has her legs spread out in a split, leaning towards her left side as she asks her question. Jinsol looks up from her typing phone, towards the other girl. “Jungeun found glass in her shoe.”

“Oh shit,” Jinsol whispers, placing her phone on the ground. There are girls coming in and out of the practice room, getting ready for the full session for today, but Jinsol and Sooyoung have been here since the doors were unlocked. “Does she know who it was?” 

Sooyoung smirks, arching back, back, back, until her hand touches her left foot. “Come closer,” Sooyoung says. “I’ll tell you, c’ mere.” 

Jinsol scoots closer, hands under her thighs, and Sooyoung leans up again, Jinsol realizes how close she is. She’s staring at her red lips, the way they were naturally that color, the way her eyes twinkle with trouble, and Jinsol swallows despite herself. Jinsol turns her head and leans her ear onto Sooyoung’s mouth. “I heard it was Heejin.”

Jinsol shivers at the way Sooyoung’s breath feels on her ears.

“What,” Jinsol whispers. “No fucking way.” 

“Yep,” Sooyoung is still close to Jinsol, whispering, but Jinsol can hear the smile in her voice. She’s not sure if she likes it or not. “I heard that it’s Gowon’s fault. Lesbian shit,” Sooyoung’s voice gets low at the words lesbian Jinsol notices. “That whole lovey-dovey, best friends forever shit with Gowon and Jungeun is causing problems.”

“So like, a warning,” Jinsoul asks.

“Yep. Like a hunter to the prey.”

*

When she walks in, chin up, eyes narrowed, lips pursed, Jeon Heejin is being stared at. If it was with malice, envy, or admiration, Jinsol can’t tell the difference. Jinsol doesn’t feel anything, just looks on as Sooyoung runs her fingers through her hair, the fabric of her fingerless gloves soft. “Look at her,” Sooyoung whispers. “She thinks she’s that bitch.”

Jinsol can’t help it, Sooyoung sounds so angry, she cracks a smile. “She isn’t?” Jinsol is teasing now, she knows Heejin isn’t. But when Sooyoung gets like this when her anger seeps out into words, it’s interesting for Jinsol. 

“Nope,” Sooyoung smiles but it’s full of poison. “Say it with me.”

“I am.”

“I am.”

“And don’t you ever forget it.”

Heejin walks with purpose, and Jinsol can hear Sooyoung scoff just a bit. 

*

The pressure is on, Jinsol thinks to herself as she stretches one leg over her head and pulls until her thigh hurts. She looks forward to Sooyoung who’s facing her direction in a similar pose and tries to bite back a smile as Sooyoung doesn’t show any emotion on her face. She’s always like that, perfection to the max.

Jinsol breathes when the instructor tells them they can put their legs down, a few moments given to them so they can breathe and breathe. She needs it, but Jinsol thinks Sooyoung doesn’t. She could keep going all day if she tried, Jinsol knows this.

Later, when the practice is all done, when Jinsol’s bones ache with the way she walks because of all the spinning and falling, Sooyoung walks up to her and places an arm around her shoulder, grinning. “Hey gorgeous,” she starts. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay now, just a stupid mistake on my part. I couldn’t get the turn just right like you do.”

“That’s okay,” Sooyoung flips her hair just a bit and smiles. “Not everyone can be like me.” Jinsol can’t tell if she was joking or not, but she’s glad Sooyoung’s in a good mood. 

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

Sooyoung turns her head and looks at Jinsol, and this makes Jinsol realize how close she is and feels her breath on her face. It’s cool, smells like mint. “Not everyone can be like you either.”

“That’s a good thing I‘m guessing?”

“The best.”

They both laugh, Jinsol leaning into Sooyoung’s neck and she feels Sooyoung tense up just a bit before relaxing.

She wonders why.

“Hey,” Jungeun walks up to them, head held high, eyes narrowed, her smile wide. Jinsoul feels Sooyoung’s arm tighten up on her shoulder. “Did you hear?”

“About what?”

“The new program we’re gonna be doing. Swan Lake.” She says the name like it’s a secret, like exposing the name would get her into trouble. Jinsoul blinks, Sooyoung’s hold on her tightens. “They’re gonna announce it soon, maybe tomorrow,” Jungeun laughs a bit, before turning away. “Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know.”

*

Swan Lake was Sooyoung’s first ballet, and she absolutely loved it. The dancing, the music, the emotion, everything had managed to pull the young girl in and wrapped her around its finger. 

So that’s why Jinsol knows it’s important to her. And as Sooyoung speeds down the highway on the way to nowhere, Jinsol only hopes Jungeun wasn’t fucking with them.

*

“Do you think I need to lose weight?”

Sooyoung stands in front of the mirror, twisting and turning as she looks at herself, Jinsol scrolling on her phone in her bed. “No, you’re fucking perfect.”

Sooyoung sighs loudly, before she flops down onto Jinsoul’s bed, staring at the ceiling. Jinsol waits for her to say something, anything, but when she doesn’t she shuts her phone off and blinks. Then, she turns on her side towards Sooyoung, opening her mouth. “Did you hear me,” she whispers, “I said you’re fucking perfect.”

Sooyoung inhales loudly, biting her lip, before turning towards Jinsol as well. They’re close, Jinsol can smell the perfume Sooyoung uses better than she could before, the smell of apples. Sooyoung smirks. “I look better than half those bitches in class right?”

Jinsol swallows, because she doesn’t know if she’s included or not, but smiles anyway. “Right.”

They stare at each other for a bit, before Sooyoung reaches up and places her palm on Jinsoul’s face. “I love you, you know? I couldn’t survive without you.”

And for some reason, Jinsol thinks she really couldn’t.

And that makes her feel,

that makes her feel,

( _ powerful? no. hungry. hungry for more.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinsoul and sooyoung in the last part: are we about to kiss right now?
> 
> this goes out to all my internalized homophobic lesbians out there (just hateful blue!yvesoul.)
> 
> follow me on twt: wlwpops

**Author's Note:**

> hello, it's been a long time. comments are always welcome, i love them. i bought many loona photocards from ebay and felt the need to share fic. though nothing is planned. anyways, hope you enjoyed. watch the show dare me, and read the book people like us and dare me as well.


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